by MICK TERRY

COMPOSER-SONGWRITER

Silent Tree Music - Song Lyrics

( Who are those people doing the cameo walk-ons ? )
KULAK'S KAST OF 1000s KAMEOS
Copyright © 2010 - MickTerry.com

I'd like to offer a totally insincere, sarcastic, spiteful thankyou to the cast of thousands of Kulak's Woodshed regulars, volunteers, hosts, newbies & unknowns who have found it within their infinite wisdom to grace my performances & videos with their presence.

How about a fun math problem? Anybody good with math? Any CPA's? Take the number 36. Multiply it by 20. What do you get? 720?

That's $720 invested in Kulak's for 33 videos now on   YouTube.

How about another one? Take that same quantity of 36. Divide it into 27. What do you get? 75% ?

That's ¾ of all the Kulak's DVD's I have purchased with somebody walking into or through the field of vision, squirming violently or obnoxiously in their seat, talking audibly, picking their nose on camera, letting their dog scamper about, or scratching their balls ... their own or their dogs' ... ( but not their neighbors' ).

Of the 43 total interruptions, only 11 were by people that I could not identify, not knowing their name or not seeing their faces. Of the 17 regulars, including hosts, hookers & beloved performers making up the difference, 8 were repeat offenders with up to 5 returns to the spotlight.

The problem is: this is just a microcosm. If it's happening to me (& often not on DVD), it's sure to be happening to a lot of other people. You have heard every host + Paul Kulak himself, implore us to stay seated during performances so as not to mess up someone's DVD. I say it goes a bit beyond that. How about so as to not mess up someone's performance, just out of common courtesy, consideration for others & the Golden Rule, if you can't quite muster up enough respect or even self-respect. It's just rude & inconsiderate to walk near the stage while someone else is performing & that includes when lining up as next performer & several other situations where you might like to think you are invisible. The area behind the stage is not as dark as the monitors would allow you to believe. The bed area is right in front of an active camera.

With 6 cameras recording from almost every direction, it must get a bit frustrating for Paul Kulak as video mixer & producer to try to second-guess when somebody might try to make a run for it. You may have seen regulars closely watching monitors, finding what they think is a safe moment, then make their move, only to appear (unbeknownst to them) onscreen as Paul switched cameras.

DVD or no DVD, the performers do not need any extra distraction to take them away from their performance, possibly even forget where they are in singing or playing. You might have even had such an occasion yourself.

One of our most venerated performers told me that he recently was totally thrown off his performance when a big fan of Kulak's sitting in the front row unthinkingly enthusiastically waved to someone in the back, with a hand right in front of his face.

On a recent DVD, the host of the evening is clearly seen walking through the end of my song to get plugged in for her performance. Any viewer (& maybe those in the audience) can not help but not pay attention to my lyrics, instead watching her every move.

Another item requested every week by each host: "This is a listening room. Please take conversations outside." Interaction with the performer or low volume whispered occasional comments should not be a problem. But extended conversations are a problem, regardless of how low you may think you are talking. Not only to those on stage, but to the audience as well.

Two days after the anniversary of 9-11, I read a relative song lyric, the somber tone of which required a very sensitive low volume reading for most of it. Throughout the majority of the song, 2 regulars were audibly talking. It might be said that a true professional would pay no attention, being totally immersed in the performance. I am sorry, but I could not get fully into the performance, persistently distracted by the constant talking. Is it professional for "professionals" in the audience to be utterly oblivious that a performance is going on? Was that conversation (or others) so absolutely important that it could not wait until later?

I am sorry, but I also could not get myself to buy the DVD of that performance, which had been my plan. That was a $20 savings for me, although a big disappointment. That was also a $20 loss for Kulak's. That was not the first. Many other times I have had to choose to not purchase the DVD for similar reasons. Again, this is but a microcosm. If happening to me, it's surely occurring to others. That adds up. Ask Paul.

Recently, a brilliant writer friend of mine had to move away from two regulars (one, an off-duty host) who were constantly talking. He had come to check out Kulak's & told me now he will never perform here. Half an hour later, as those same regulars kept talking, I politely got close to them & softly said, "Shh ..." The acerbic, arrogant response I got from that off-duty host was totally unwarranted.

At the urging of several friends, this little diatribe has not been read in lieu of my reading lyrics. Instead, it was suggested that the prime violators be spoken with privately, which I have done. Reactions & interactions were varied, some extremely gracious & appreciative. A few were not so gracious & appreciative, becoming more than a bit defensive & arrogant. One host stated, "If you were getting paid, it would be a different thing. What do you expect? This is Kulak's."

Yes, this is Kulak's. & I say that with pride, enthusiasm & concern. Kulak's has a reputation & history of bringing in some fairly well- known musicians & writers, including John Batdorf, Stephen Bishop, Delaney Bramlett, Jackson Browne, Severin Browne, Lester Chambers, Paula Cole, Kenny Edwards, Walter Egan, Jerry Fuller, Barry Goldberg, Lisa Haley, Chris Hillman, Laurence Juber, Albert Lee, Pete Luboff, John McEuen, John Andrew Parks, Kenny Rankin, Randy Sharp, Michelle Shocked, Jeff Silbar, PF Sloan, James Lee Stanley, Jack Tempchin, John Townsend, John Waite, Wendy Waldman, Paul Zollo, & many others. With live webcasts &   YouTube, what we do here has the potential to enhance or undermine that reputation. Inconsiderate & rude behavior has the tendency to leave viewers asking, "What the hell kind of place would put up with such inappropriate actions?"

Do you regulars, hosts and volunteers think this applies to everyone else, but not to you? Does your perceived status here qualify you to violate common etiquette? Think again, regardless of your tenure here or how pretty or charming you might be or think you might be. Besides which, as hosts, volunteers & regulars, you are setting examples for others to follow. & they will. Unfortunately, if your mommy never taught you any better, it's highly improbable that you'll start to learn any manners now.

So, if you are one of these culprits & continue to display your bad manners & taste by disrupting & distracting from other people's shows, don't be too surprised if someone just might feel compelled sometime to deliver a retaliatory Kamikaze raid when you are on stage. I am 6'1", maybe not tall enough to block out the sun, but I am big enough that I can put a hurting on your best camera angles, including producing a few magnificent solar flares.

Should anyone tune in to the MickTerry.com   YouTube VIDEO GALLERY, there's a 73% chance of seeing some of Kulak's Kast of 1000s Kameos.

- Mick Terry
8-9-10; 9-27-10; 12-27-10

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